I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
