i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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