I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize