honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
