that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So many bounce houses so little time
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Found the puke drawer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
