I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
As shirtless as possible
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
