just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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