I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
