why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize