just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
