Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
