All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
