I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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