you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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