Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
