I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
