dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
