It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
