Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Boobs are out for the taking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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