she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
