evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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