I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize