the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
