we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
