Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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