youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
