My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
