My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
