Can Purell be used as lube?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
