just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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