My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
