South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
