apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize