Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
