did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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