dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
