I'm going to jail i love you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
