I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how drunk are you?
Several
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
