I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
