I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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