He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
