what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
