Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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