just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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