But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
