If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
