well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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