I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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