just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
