They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
