I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
