after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
