And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
