we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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