My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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