like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
