he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
