How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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