Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So apparently I’m into choking now
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