i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
