someone get that fucking seahorse.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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