He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
