i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
