i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
