I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
