i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
