Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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