i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she smelled like a LAN party
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
