My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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