i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
